Friday 19th Jul

The house husband is taking a short break and will be back on Monday 29th July.

Enjoy the sun.

Jay

Thursday 18th Jul

Back to IT duties at the library this morning. Having thrown some bacon on the barbecue for the youngest and I for breakfast, primarily to reduce the amount of washing up required, but also to increase the flavour; it’s a warm stroll down the road. It’s quiet this morning. Maybe the heat has put off the clientele, and they’re all at home sunning in the garden. Alternatively, they could have stayed in to watch the Open golf and the Ashes cricket on telly.

I stop by the folks for a cuppa and the old fella is settled in to embark on four days of golf watching. Like many of his friends will be.

I drop the eldest’s laptop off at the local repair shop after lunch, where the chap expects it to be corrupted files based on what I tell him. I return home to some cleaning and an enormous pile of ironing. An hour and a half later I get a text telling me the laptop is fixed. Turns out it was a security programme causing the problem, and so that has now been removed. You live and learn, and hopefully I’ll know for next time.

The ironing is only slowly going down, but fortunately I have the sport on telly to keep me company. The youngest returns home sweating and dirty, having been on a sponsored walk with school today. So he’s quite happy for a teenage boy.

After getting tea ready for Mrs P’s return I tidy up, and then sort out some email and papers. It’s strange when one of the teenagers is not at home. It doesn’t feel right. But the reality is in 14 months if the eldest goes off to university, this is a taste of things to come.

Yours, seeing the future.

Jay

Wednesday 17th Jul

The eldest is off to Morocco today, flying to Casablanca and changing there for Marrakech.  It all sounds very exotic and exciting. Mrs P and I go to wave her off, and stand with the other parents. The fathers are of the view the kids will have a great time, and the mothers are worrying in case something goes wrong. Nature versus nurture.

It’s then on with the paper round in rather warm conditions, and apart from the postman who appears to be running around his round in torrents of sweat, the streets are quiet. I spend the rest of the day on and off trying to fix the eldest’s laptop, which decided to go wonky almost as soon as she’d left the house.

After ironing and getting tea ready for three – something wrong when it’s not four – I’m then out doing another paper round in the evening. This time it’s with the youngest, who is doing it for one of the eldest’s friends who has also gone to Morocco. To be fair he offers me half the money for the round, but I decline, though maybe he’ll see his way to buying his dad a beer when we’re on holiday. He might even see his way to doing our round once in a while.

Mrs P has mentioned on a fairly regular basis that my car needs cleaning. I’m sure I read somewhere that you shouldn’t clean them in direct sunlight, and so 9pm finds me washing the car, hosepipe out. I figure if I’m paying water rates I might as well use it.

In the end I give up on the laptop. I’ll need to take it to get it fixed tomorrow.

Yours the paper boy.

Jay

Tuesday 16th Jul

I smear suntan lotion on the back of the youngests neck as he leaves for school. For some reason young people don’t think they’ll get sunburnt, and by and large that may well be true. However, like father like son, my neck catches the sun first and so does his. The eldest is going in to school with her full Morocco expedition rucksack, and so I put it in the boot and we collect her friend, and jay-le-taxi drops them both off at school.

I then proceed round to the folks who have had a small leak in the conservatory roof. The ailing one has asked if there is a way we could get some sealant on part of the roof. However we can’t get on the roof, as it won’t take the weight. So in a “Heath Robinson moment” I’m leaning out of the upstairs back window, with a knife taped to the end of a pole, and with sealant squeezed onto the knife. I’m trying by a process of trial and error to fill cracks, hoping to get the right one. I guess we’ll find out next time it rains if it has worked.

Back home I apply a small amount more paint to the porch, before I’m off to do some umpiring. I’m doing a 40 over match this afternoon, and after applying the suntan lotion and a large hat, I’m ready to stand out in the heat for what turns out to be 4 pleasant hours. Mrs P has made tea when I get in, but having already been fed at the cricket I take a reduced portion for my fourth meal of the day.

Now my car needs a wash, and has done for a while, though I’m pretty sure I did it at Easter time, and I had an idea to give it a go this evening. But just as I’m about to commence, I notice Mrs P has got her car out and has beaten me to it. So being easily put off, I decide to leave it for another day. Regarding the rucksack packing it turns out we should have packed her walking poles, but apart from that we did alright.

Yours catching the rays.

Jay

Monday 15th Jul

Mrs P is working this morning and so I am sent to the supermarket to do the shopping. Though to be fair I have a fairly explicit list, which is written in aisle order, to help me, and ensure I don’t deviate from budget. In other words it is fairly foolproof, and in truth I manage pretty well, though like most blokes I’m not so keen when I’m given a choice of things to get, as I know I’ll likely make the wrong one.

I’m then under instructions to go to the launderette, and so pass a quiet half an hour reading the paper and watching the world go by. It seems at the moment as though Mrs P is happy to keep me busy. In the afternoon I start putting the first paint on the porch, and despite covering a very small area I manage to get undercoat on my T-shirt. Fortunately Mrs P was of the view the T-shirt was old and therefore it didn’t matter. Personally I liked it, but there you go.

When the eldest came in we packed her rucksack for her trip to Morocco. She’s off on Wednesday and it needs to be in school to be checked tomorrow. So I guess I’ll find out then how I could have packed it better. In the evening we go out for dinner with the folks, as its mum’s 70^th. It’s nice to go out and sit and chat with the teenagers, in a more grown-up environment. They still bring the electronic devices, but they aren’t completely tied to them. As the kids grow you go through stages of going to different types of restaurants, be it burger joints, pizza’s or Nandos. But now other avenues are opening up to us, as their tastes develop, albeit more expensive ones. After all every silver lining has a cloud.

Yours feasting on birthday cake.

Jay

Friday 12th Jul

Will this blessed sunshine never end? Well I’d certainly be happy with a few more days. In fact I must have found myself in a holiday frame of mind, as I got the flip flops out today.

I decided to continue my recent efforts on the bike and went for an hour’s ride this morning, before the real heat of the day. I specifically picked a route that would avoid the temptation of Tuesday’s steep hill, and so returned home in better condition. I hope the cycling is doing me some good; it seems to be getting a little easier each time. I worry if by the time I get competent, the winter won’t have arrived.

I managed to fit in a coffee break in front of the Ashes, which is turning out a thrilling first test, with any luck we’ll squeeze past the Aussie’s in this one. I return to my DIY project and finish filling the appropriate holes in the porch, and then sanding where appropriate. I can see the lure of undercoating on the horizon.

I’ve just finished clearing my emails when the eldest returns from school, to tell me she’s off to her friends for tea, and could I drop her off. So jay-le-taxi sallies forth, but her friends are not where they were expected to be, so I leave her promising to text me shortly to let me know they’re together. Half-an-hour later I’m rather peeved not to have had any contact, and let her know as much by text. Still no response! Eventually she replies apologising profusely, but basically she forgot to let me know they were together. She has the attention span of a goldfish when it suits her.

I bung some burgers on the barbecue, making the most of the sunshine, and watch some cricket with the youngest before Mrs P comes in. The eldest had been catered for in the burger stakes, but fortunately having a teenage boy means any potentially spare food does not go to waste. Jay-le-taxi then drops the youngest off at cricket and returns to collect him later. Then come the late texts from the eldest, and at around 11.15pm jay-le-taxi is waiting at the station to pick her up. I thought now she can drive there’d be a bit less of this, but no, it’s way past my bed time and here I am, in kinship with so many other parents of teenagers, sat in the car in the dark waiting for the offspring.

Yours remembering they’re still teenagers, and not adults.

Jay

Thursday 11th Jul

I chuck the bacon on the barbecue this morning. There are a couple of reasons for this. One the barbecue sits outside the kitchen door and is easily fired up, and two it’s less cleaning up for me. I take the view that building up the flavour on the barbecue helps with flavouring the food, and as all we tend to use it for is burgers, sausages, bacon and the odd kebab, the theory works just fine. On another glorious english summers day, it seems wrong not to take advantage.

Around the middle of the day I get to the folks for a cup of tea, to be told there are a couple of jobs they could do with a hand with. Now I have no problem at all helping out, as the ailing one is well on the way to recovery, and will soon be able to do these things again himself. But given that, much like me - and now you know where I get it from - he has never been particularly pro-DIY; I wonder how soon he’ll feel able to resume what he used to do, when the house husband is on tap to help out.

I crack on with the cleaning, with an ever more painful finger which I am due to take to the doctors this afternoon. It’s been hurting on and off for a couple of weeks now, and I see the GP registrar who is very helpful, and advises me it is most likely soft tissue and ligament damage, and prescribes me some gel to rub in. I’ve no idea how I did it, but fingers crossed, not that I can at the moment, it’ll sort itself out. It doesn’t stop me doing the ironing, and making the tea.

The eldest had invited a friend home after school, in this case a boy. Now Mrs P and I are very confused about the whole boy/girl/friend status thing. In our day, it would have been a boyfriend, but lines seem to be more blurred these days. Anyway they disappeared into a room together to chat, and once again we have no idea on what is the etiquette on these things. Suffice to say he is a very well mannered young man and cleared his plate at tea. So I could argue he enjoyed my cooking, or you could say that teenage boys will eat most of anything, as long as there is a lot of it.

Yours looking on the bright side.

Jay

Wednesday 10th Jul

The carpet we had fitted last week has stretched, as to be fair, the guys who fitted it, predicted it probably would. So this morning they were back first thing to re-stretch it. This meant me and the youngest clearing out the room first thing, and me putting it all back together when they’d gone. This is one of the advantages of being a house husband, being at home for this sort of thing.

It’s then paper time and so I slap on the suncream and brave the day. By the time I’m finished with the round I am sweating somewhat, and stick my head in a sink of cold water to cool down. In a further effort to cool down/relax, I turn on the Ashes on the telly, and sit down with a large mug of tea. I can see this might get to be a habit this summer. Though typically for me when I sit down to watch Pietersen bat, he swiftly gets out. At the lunch interval I attempt a bit of DIY, filling a hole in the porch where the wood appears to have rotted away with age. At the same time I knock some loose paint off, and as ever with these things, a bit more is loose so you pull it off, and before long it’s a full scale job. So now it looks like I’m going to be redecorating the porch. On the plus side this means I won’t be decorating the hall, stairs and landing, which Mrs P wants done.

I cycle round to the outlaws and have a cup of tea with them, and it might just be my imagination but my legs didn’t hurt as much as usual. This is a good sign. Once home its ironing and making tea again, before winding down with an evening walk with Mrs P. The hot weather does make you think of summer holidays, and we even had salad tonight, I must be feeling in a good mood.

Yours reaping the benefits of being a house husband.

Jay

Tuesday 9th Jul

Up early for breakfast this morning as jay-le-taxi had to drop the eldest off one junction down the motorway, as she is off on a university visit with friends. Despite getting her up when she asked, and with her breakfast ready on the table, we were late. Why I don’t know, but I guess it’s just a female thing.

In the afternoon I take the bike out for an hour. As the weather is so warm it’s not long before I’m sweating, it was only a relatively short ride, albeit one taking in some lovely countryside. After last Friday’s ride when I avoided the steep hill near the end I decide I should tackle it today, but as I get closer I start to regret my decision. About halfway up and having already changed down through a number of gears, I wonder why I put myself through it, and as I close on the top I tell myself I won’t be doing it again this year. Though I’m not sure I believe that myself, despite my liberal coating of sweat and screaming thighs.

I’ve just put-up the ironing board when the eldest calls needing collecting, so off goes jay-le-taxi. On the way back the youngest texts to ask if he can be collected from his after-school sports, so I drop the eldest at home and jay-le-taxi goes for the youngest. The youngest had intimated that he’d be finished in 15 minutes, but half an hour later I’m still waiting for him. Eventually we get home in time for me to heat up and serve the chilli Mrs P made last night, and then jay-le-taxi has to drop the eldest off at a school engagement.

The evening ends well with me escaping to the pub for the first time this year while Mrs P does the ironing.

Your good health.

Jay

Monday 8th Jul

Mrs P and I were in the supermarket this morning when I heard what appeared to be a commotion. On closer inspection it turned out to be a very angry man facing a wall, and shouting into his mobile phone. Now he was being quite aggressive down the phone, and it made me wonder what the protocol is for threatening behaviour in a public place, against someone on the other end of a phone. Much like on a train why should I, or anyone else for that matter, be subjected to someone else’s ranting. Is it just plain bad manners, or is it illegal? I’m still not convinced that technology is a force for good.

Later on Mrs P sent me to the laundrette to wash a couple of duvets that wouldn’t fit in the machine at home. It’s all self-service now, and after following the loading instructions I eventually worked out where to put my money. It’s fascinating to think in these times, where you assume that everyone has a washing machine that laundrette’s still exist, and are full of camaraderie. The ladies in there this morning were helpful, friendly and happy to chat to a stranger. I know an awful lot of places in much better parts of town, where you’d be treated a lot worse.

Having gone for a brief visit to the shops with the eldest (she drove me!), during which within 2 minutes of us briefly going our separate ways, she’d forgotten to text to tell me she’d changed shops, leaving me on something of a wild goose chase. I once again marvelled at how today’s teenager can be so forgetful. Or is it just mine?

Mrs P and I enjoyed a decent walk in the evening and then sat out in the garden drinking tea. I must say the garden furniture is getting a good workout this year, and long may it continue.

Yours drinking in the sun.

Jay

Friday 5th Jul

Well maybe summer is back, it’s a bright sunny morning with no wind, and so I’ve no excuse not to take the bike out. Having fed the family and waved them off to school and work, I wait for the early traffic to die down and then pull on the lycra. Out of my front door I turn right, which means uphill and my legs, (specifically my thighs) are burning before too long. I carry on and am soon on a cycle way off the main roads, cycling past farmers’ fields and hedges. Then it’s back onto the roads again before I hit the cycle path down by the estuary, long and flat, with some beautiful views, these are the good points. Dogs and to a lesser extent walkers are the bad points. I dutifully ring my bell to alert walkers I’m approaching and this morning all are OK, it’s when you get the deaf one’s that you have a problem. As for the dogs, excited to be off their leads they dash out in front of me, causing evasive action to be required at times.

I stop briefly twice for a drink of water and as I near home after over two hours in the saddle, I have the perennial question. Do I take the long way around down the fairly flat mile straight road with traffic, or the quick route up the very steep short hill? Given how my legs are, today I take the long route. A couple of years ago when I was cycling regularly this wouldn’t have been a debate, and I feel I really should get back to that. The more I cycle the easier it will get, and the more I’ll enjoy it, no excuses.

The eldest is home for lunch as it’s a half day and we sit together in the garden. Her eating last night’s left over pasta for lunch, me her sandwiches from the last two days. It’s definitely waste not want not in the Perry household. I then get the bathroom cleaned and do a spot of pruning and edging in the garden.

After tea the youngest is playing cricket and the eldest is off out to a party. Fortunately the eldest is being taken and brought back by friends. Mrs P and I go to watch the youngest play, but as ever with cricket you end up watching a lot more of other people’s kids than your own. But it’s a pleasant evening to be out, and Mrs P gets home in time to watch Andy Murray win his Wimbledon semi-final. At 11 o’clock as we’re lying in bed we get a text from the eldest saying she’s leaving her party, at 11.30 she’s dropped home. So there is no chance of an early night for us, and I think she’s out again tomorrow evening. Oh for a restful weekend.

Yours not quite Sir Bradley Wiggins.

Jay

Thursday 4th Jul

Up early this morning to get breakfast ready for the eldest, who is meant to be off on a school trip to London. Unfortunately she’s not feeling well and we decide she’d better give it a miss. This turns out to be a good decision as at about 8.30am she is sick for the first time. By then Mrs P and the youngest have left, and I’m due to head off to the library. She tells me she’s feeling better and heads off to the sofa with her duvet, and I take the car to the library, just in case. Mid-morning I get a text saying “unwell again”, and so it’s straight home for me - having given my apologies at the library – to be a doting father.

When I get in she looks ok again, and so after a quick coffee I embark on the cleaning before lunch, and after lunch I get stuck into the vacuuming, halfway through which she is ill again. We’ve an appointment at the doctors that I get her to, but when we go to the chemist they don’t have what she’s been prescribed. The next chemist doesn’t either, and they phone round two others which don’t. At this point I have what I hope is a good idea, and we hop back in the car and go to the pharmacy at the local hospital, where fortunately they do have the prescribed medicine.

We get home and the youngest comes in hot and sweaty, as the afternoon has warmed up nicely, though he is still wearing his blazer. Why he couldn’t carry it to help cool himself down a bit I’ve no idea. I get the ironing done, and then make tea. The eldest is passing on tea, but is thankfully feeling better.

After tea Mrs P and I sit out in the garden for a bit. I really do feel that we need to make the most of the few warm summer evenings that we get. I notice at this time that the wheel I repaired on the garden bench has broken again. Who’d have guessed, hey? After an evening perambulation, I notice there is little on the telly after the youngest and I have watched the Tour De France highlights. The dull summer schedules are here. Talking of the Tour, or as the French call it, Le Tour. It is in England next year, and my friend called me to say it passes near to his house, in fact going up a long hill we cycled up a couple of years ago. We took it in low gears extremely slowly, such is our ability. I expect Le Tour will go up it at a rate of knots. Showing why they do it for a living, and why I’m a house husband. By the way in case you were wondering, the car is still working properly today, so far so good.

Yours definitely not cycling for a living.

Jay

Wednesday 3rd Jul

Having breakfasted and cleared up, I wave off Mrs P and the youngest. The eldest still being on her University trip. Then it’s on with the lycra! Yes, I know it’s not a great look on a man of my age but I’m meeting a mate for coffee down by the sea so I thought I’d get the bike out, given how little I’ve used it this year. I wasn’t anticipating it being so windy, but having built up some painful lactic acid in my legs when I hit the path down by the riverside I’m going alright. However, when I turn at the end into the wind I come to a virtual standstill, and as I role up to the rendezvous my mate is struggling not to laugh at my pathetic speed. However, two large black Americano’s and an hour and a half’s rest later, I’m ready for the return journey. This is going ok until I try a new route which turns out to be longer, and I then have to face the long; well it’s probably a mile uphill drag to home. I manage it without stopping but am very shaky when I get off the bike. I really do need more practise.

After a reviving lunch, I do the weekly paper round. Hopefully no one had been looking forward too much to getting their paper this morning. Unsurprisingly my legs are aching after this morning’s exertions, but I manage to get finished just before the schools kick out and the roads fill up.

After doing the ironing and greeting the youngest on his return from school - You’ll be pleased to know they appear to have started lessons again - I take my mis-functioning car to the garage where my friendly mechanic works. We pop out and he puts some fluid into the steering pump then tells me to turn it on and try it. A quick pause for a prayer, and miracle of miracles, it’s working! I can actually turn the wheel without being Popeye. I’m feeling huge relief at this turn of events, and only hoping there is no leak causing the loss of fluid, but that it is due to the car being five years old. I thank the very nice mechanic in the traditional way, and drive off hardly believing how easy it is to turn the steering wheel. I wonder just how long I’ve had a problem but not noticed it. I’m not really very good with cars. I just need to keep a look out for leaks now, and hope that there’s none.

I get home and Mrs P has made tea, for which I’m very grateful. I clean up after this while she watches the tennis, and then the eldest arrives home having had a wonderful trip. To celebrate us all being back together, and the car possibly being ok, I get the clippers out and Mrs P gives me a haircut. This goes well, apart from her warning me not to look at the back of my head, as she might have taken a bit extra off there, not that I’ve got that much to start with.

Yours a very relieved motorist.

Jay

Tuesday 2nd Jul

After dispensing bacon sandwiches for the teenagers’ breakfast and clearing up afterwards, I drop the eldest at school as she is off on a two day University trip with school. Mrs P and I can just hope she has everything she needs, and that she has a positive experience.

The youngest and Mrs P have departed and I’m off down to the library. It is really quiet this morning and so I get the weekend crossword finished and my email cleared. I pop in to see the folks on the way home. The ailing one has been signed off by the hospital as they are happy he is on the mend, which is good news. I pop in to the butchers to get some chops for tea and end up having a conversation about the cost of car insurance for teenagers. The butcher’s daughter is a friend of the eldest and learning to drive, so we compare war stories. The youngest had said that supermarket chops have no flavour, so hopefully he will enjoy this.

After lunch I go to collect the youngests’ iPod. The broken screen had been repaired previously, but when I picked it up on Saturday the home button didn’t work. This time it didn’t work immediately either, but after the technician looked at it again, it started working. I’m not convinced it’s mended properly, but fingers crossed as the youngest really wants it back. He’s been using mine, but it is too slow for him. He obviously couldn’t go without some form of electronic stimulus for any length of time.

I get the washing dried and the ironing done and then put the chops on. Pork for me and the youngest, lamb for Mrs P. By the time they’re ready the smoke alarm is going off. It’s not that I’ve burnt them; it’s the fat in the grill pan. Mrs P gives me a very unimpressed look when she comes in. The youngest is right the butchers fresh Cheshire Pork is much nicer than any from the supermarket.

In the evening I take my car to the friendly mechanics house as his gearbox has gone and so he can’t come to me, which is a bit worrying. He attaches the electronic tester and it looks as feared as though it might be the steering pump that has gone. In translation this means, very expensive, £££’s. There is one last chance that it is low on fluid in the pump which we are going to check out tomorrow, but Mrs P and I are braced for the worst.

Yours praying for a cheap solution.

Jay

Monday 1st Jul

And so the day dawns, and finally the new carpet is due, and so it is that at 8am I can be found taking a Stanley Knife to the old carpet. I object to the idea of paying £30 or more for someone to take it away when I can do it myself. I chop it up into bitesize pieces and then get the youngest to help me move the furniture out into the garden, to allow the fitters easy access. The guys turn up mid-morning and just as they finish it starts to spit outside. They give me a hand and we get the furniture back inside in  double-quick time. Now all that remains is for me to bung the old carpet in the back of the car, and then to spend 15 minutes vacuuming up the bits on the new one. Eventually the DIY project is finished. One room in nearly four months, not bad even if I do say so myself.

The eldest decided she’d like some P plates for her driving last week, and so after pricing them online from the local shops I looked to ebay which was significantly cheaper. However after ordering them in the middle of last week I’m still waiting for them to arrive. If I’d gone to the shops I’d have had them in my hand and she could have been using them straight away. An interesting contrast, between price and value. A better price online, but it would have been better value to have bought in the shop and have the plates in my hand. In retrospect I should have gone to the shops.

I chuck the old carpet on the tip after lunch and then drop five bags of goods off at Barnardo’s, before dropping into the carpet shop to pay the balance, leaving us suitably poorer. The kids come back in from school fairly relaxed as they have no homework, I’m still wondering about the amount of learning they do at this time of year, and therefore the value of school after exams are over.

The chap who is meant to be coming to look at my car sent me a text to say he has a problem with his gearbox! Oh well, hopefully the car won’t break down before he gets to look at.

Yours waiting for the next DIY project to land.

Jay