Wednesday 30th Jan

Meet a friend of mine first thing for coffee and a catch up. He used to work at the same company as me and took early retirement; it really is amazing how well it suits people as the pressures and stresses roll away, and you look forward to what today will bring, rather than dreading it. Settle down to a nice chat and the café owner brings us some cake to try. It’s a new one the cook is working on and they want some feedback on how it tastes. Well I can tell you the moist carrot, walnut and ginger cake tasted just fine. You know in all the years I worked I never remember getting free cake anywhere! Maybe we looked as though we needed it, who knows!

 

Get home to rescue the washing, and still can’t tell if it’s wet, or if it’s dry and just cold. Mention this to a neighbour, to be told that if you hold it up to a mirror and the mirror gets misty the washing it still wet. Another life skill learnt. Seems a lot of effort, given the mirrors are all upstairs, so I decide to knock off the ironing and pack it away before Mrs P gets home. I’m pretty sure it was dry.

 

Get out delivering the papers in the afternoon, and get caught in showers and a gale, but even whilst I’m struggling along with my bag over my shoulder I can’t help smiling, as it still beats working by some distance.

 

Listen to my radio as I go along and Radio 4 extra keeps me entertained. Bump into a chap I know out walking his dog and he tells me a funny story about his mum and dad. His dad is one of those old fashioned guys who go to the pub every day, in his case his local is The Farmers. It’s like the third person, or the other woman in their marriage. Anyway, he was talking about his funeral recently and said he wanted to hold his Wake there. At which point his missus piped up, “Well if you’re having it there I’m not going!” They’ve only been married for 60 years; you’d think he might have guessed.

 

Yours easily amused

 

Jay

Tuesday 29th Jan

Down at the library this morning, and it’s comforting to see that the generosity of the public in giving gifts of boxes of biscuits to the library staff for Christmas was alive and well last year. Their kindness added to the fact most of the librarians are ladies and actively considering, if not actively on diets (not that they need to be, but being a male of the species I probably just don’t understand the intricacies of the decision), it being that time of year, means a steady stream of delicious biscuits - and not the type you get at home, these are covered in chocolate, who knew! - for me.

So suitably refreshed I face the public, and today I meet an unemployed gentleman, and not an untypical one. Someone who throughout his working life has never had need to use a computer and doesn’t have one at home, because they don’t need one there. However, the government in its’ wisdom has decreed that to get unemployment benefits you need to register on a central website, to search for jobs and demonstrate your activity in doing such. This also entails having access to email. So I spend my morning helping this gent register online and getting him set-up with email, as he needs to be. Knowing full well once left alone he will struggle using a computer, to access the government central website again. Seems like whoever set up the system decided it would help government to measure and manage people, while ignoring the fact that the people who are in a lot of cases unemployed are exactly those who aren’t computer literate, so creating something of a Catch 22 situation. I’ll hop off that soapbox now.

Spent the evening out to dinner with the family at Nando’s, the choice of teenagers everywhere. It is quite something to watch a teenage boy eat a double portion of hot wings plus 2 portions of peri-peri chips and bottomless yoghurt, and still be hungry. You wonder where they put it, though hollow legs still seem to be the best guess.

Yours in awe

Jay

Monday 28th Jan

Following an unexpected spillage early in the morning, I find my week commencing in the laundrette. "Do they still exist?" I hear you ask. Well, yes they do, and due to the fact that our washing machine recently expired and we bought a new one, which whilst being the same size on the outside, is actually it now transpires smaller on the inside! That is the drum appears to be smaller than the previous one - It's a bit like owning the Tardis in reverse!

So the upshot was the duvet in question would no longer fit in our washing machine, and so I set off for the laundrette. Seems every type of life can be found in your local launderette. From the young mother, with baby in tow to the polite old gent in collar and tie. Used to be you had to put your money in the machines, now you key in your machine number on a pad in the wall and then insert your money. All was going well until I had to pay for the dryer. So I typed in 20, having in mind the dryer was 20p a go, then inserted my money, which was immediately rejected. After four goes at this, I stood back thinking it can't be that difficult to turn on a dryer. Then the light dawned my machine was number 11, not 20, oops! Not the sharpest knife in the block this morning.

But on the bright side the lady looking after the machines showed me how to fold a fitted sheet properly. You know the elasticated ones that fold around and under your matress, and you can never get flat for folding and ironing. I know what you might be thinking, "who irons bedding?" Well Mrs Perry does, so that means I do. Still I can say will some satisfaction that I learnt a life skill today in my local launderette, that will benefit the Perry household for years to come. You've got to be in it to win it as they say.

Yours slightly the wiser

Jay

Weekend working

For regular readers you'll find that on the weekend the Perry house reverts to more traditional roles. Mrs Perry takes charge, I perform my role as taxi driver and chief bottle washer, and the teenagers sleep and get ferried around.

To whit the diary will highlight my activities Monday-Friday, as in principal I have the weekend off!

Yours confused

Jay

Friday Jan 25th

Cold old start to the day with the promise of snow to come, and here it is mid-morning. I rush to check the email and internet to make sure the schools aren’t threatening to close as they did last week. Apparently not caused by a lack of heating, but by a concern that the buses wouldn’t be able to run later. Fortunately as my pair walk it’s not a concern. Sending them home just means they get in the way.

 

Slightly more of a concern is my youngest lost their coat last week! Perfect timing, apart from the fact it’s freezing out at the moment and it’s a new coat. But despite going out in it one morning, they managed to return in the dark, wet and cold without it, having forgotten they had it in the first place. Today, after visiting what seems like a dizzying selection of lost property venues in school through the week, praise be but it was found, not in lost property but in what was described as a “random room.”We are considering stitching it to the school blazer to avoid a reoccurrence. Funny thing is even when it is snowing, the kids don’t want to where a coat, apparently “It’s not that cold!””Well it’s cold enough to snow”, says Mrs P, “you’re wearing it.”

 

On the same vein bumped into an old friend in the supermarket who informed me his kids’ primary school had sent out an email at 9.30am in the morning saying if parents were concerned about the weather they could come and collect their children. Given it’s a local primary school and most people can walk, this was a bit surprising. So taking the email in the spirit it was intended he collected his pair at 3.30pm as normal. Sanity restored.

 

Jay

Thursday Jan 24th

Down at the library it’s quiet probably due to the weather, but one or two hardy souls are out. One older gent of my acquaintance knowing I’ve stayed in Paris, had asked me the other day which hotel I used. Today he came over with a Paris guidebook and a map and proceeded to show me where it was on the map. I felt like saying “I know where it is I stayed there!” I don’t know about you, but as more of my acquaintances get older, probably because I am too, this sort of thing is becoming more the norm.

 

Walking home I took a detour through the local cemetery, and bumped into the warden. He was telling me how he was seeing a trend towards more people getting buried than cremated recently, and how they were seeing an increased demand for burial plots. I said, “Yes, I’d heard people were dying to get in here (boom boom)!” It was one of those tumbleweed moments, stony silence pervaded amongst the gravestones. I muttered my apologies and moved on.

 

How do teenagers do their homework and revision with music blaring and the constant interruption of texts, and social media on their mobiles? It’s kind of a rhetorical question this one as they seem to manage, though when every time you walk in a room they’re pinned to their iPhone, when they’re meant to be revising I’ve no idea how. Phones used to be used for talking to people, now with mobiles that appears to be the least of what teenagers do with them.  But until their results suffer me and Mrs P are just going to have to carry on biting our tongues.

 

Keep smiling (through the gritted teeth)

 

Jay

Wednesday Jan 23rd

Another cold day dawns, the difference being today I’ve got the paper round to do. Yes that’s right a paper round, I’m regressing to childhood (not that I ever had a paper round as a boy, that would have meant getting out of bed!). What it is, is one of the local free papers we deliver once a week. I say we but I mean me, as the children have shown no desire to help, and Mrs Perry does after all have a proper job.

So dressed up like an Inuit on holiday I venture forth as the school run is finishing. I have to say plugging in to BBC Radio 4 Extra makes the time pass as well as expanding my education on sixties comedy formats. Halfway round I spot a chap I know down the street going into his garage, followed by the noise of hammering. When I get there I stop to chat, a wide ranging discussion covering jobs and cruising preference. FYI, Mrs Perry and I have never been on a cruise, as she’s worried about falling overboard. As I’m leaving I spot what he is hammering, and I’m rather surprised to see it’s a pizza, with a chisel sticking out of it! Seems his wife got it out of the freezer and decided they only needed half out, with half to be put back. Sad to say the chisel wasn’t working, so I left him deciding which saw to try next.

You may remember yesterday’s delivery, well today under intense pressure from Mrs P, I’m required to construct a 3 draw chest. Primarily to get the junk off my sons’ floor and into the drawers. So I lay out the pieces (once bitten twice shy), get out the screwdriver and hammer, and look at the instructions. Having allowed 30 minutes to complete, it takes me 2 hours and one hammered thumb. You see that’s the result of the lack of planning and strategy I usually advocate. Still it’s up and no one else can see the joins. Only problem is it apparently doesn’t match the rest of the room, at which point my son and me look at each other as if to say who cares. I’ll tell you who cares, Mrs Perry that’s who. Still, her fault for rushing me, or choosing Beech instead of Oak. Though I do suspect that at some point in the not too distant future I’ll find out why it’s actually my fault.

Chin up.

Jay

Tuesday Jan 22nd

Snow on the ground but at least the kids are off to school. Get up, get them breakfast, bacon sandwiches as it’s Tuesday. Then clearing up, getting myself ready, making sure they’re out the door on time, then myself. Funny how school day morning’s seem so much busier these days. Time was I got up, washed, had some breakfast and left; if only I’d known how easy that was.

Off down to library, a brisk walk in the freezing cold, and despite a few slips I stay on my feet. Passing kids loitering on their way to school, most without coats on and some without jackets. How do they do it! Me I’ve got 4 layers, a hat, scarf and gloves on, and I’m moving to keep warm. In an effort to put something back into the community I volunteer at the local library offering IT support to computer users. This means the retired and the unemployed. This morning it’s quiet, though one chap having pressed the Print button did ask what happens next, at which point I walked him 5 paces to the printer, about the 4^th pace I saw recognition dawning in his eyes, slowly but surely.

Expecting an afternoon delivery and received a text telling me I’d be called an hour before to confirm. Got the call “We’ll be with you in 10 minutes Mr Perry.” I reply “I’m walking and will be home in 15.” Get home to find delivery man ringing the bell, hey ho. Still it’ll give me something to do tomorrow.

Mate of mine pops round in the evening bearing used handles for double glazed windows. I’d mentioned in passing one of mine had broken, hadn’t mentioned it was two years ago it happened. Suffice to say his offerings were incompatible, which I already knew as I’d checked them out in the shop a while back. Still a nice but futile gesture. I don’t believe in rushing things where DIY is concerned, a period planning strategy, the longer the better, usually brings results when I actually get to the job I find. An excellent example being my broken letterbox. The outside flap had not lain flat for over a year, but after a period of consideration (c12 months) I tackled it last week. 5 minutes later I’d fixed it! Funny thing was when I proudly announced my achievement to Mrs Perry, she said she didn’t know it had been broken! All that planning, and no appreciation.

Jay

Monday Jan 21st

So what do you do? The wife's gone to work, the kids have gone to school, and you've gone ... well nowhere! Why not? You're a house husband that's why not!
 
Having made the choice, or having had it thrust upon you to leave the world of work - in my case to be truthful I couldn’t get to the exit quickly enough - you find yourself wondering how you will fill your days. Oh what an innocent fool you are. Before long you realise the question should have been, “How did I ever find time to go to work?”

Do you remember when you used to go to school and the teacher would ask, “Have you done your homework?” Well now the wife comes home and asks, “What have you done today?” A question that can fill you with equal amounts of terror as you try to justify how you filled your day.

This daily diary will try to explain how one man, me Jay Perry, transformed from an upwardly mobile manager in a major global company, to a house husband. Tracking my days and the new challenges faced, in balancing society’s expectations with those of friends, family and my own. How do you manage the demands of a working wife, teenage children, and two retired sets of parents?

I hope you enjoy the show.

Keep smiling

Jay
Monday Jan 21st