Get A Job ... Monday 6th – Friday 10th Jan

GET A JOB. I know it’s a bit of a shocking way to start the New Year, but it is my one and only New Year’s resolution. I’m not being specific about the role, the money or even the timing. It is just a generic, get a job call. After all the kids are getting older and Mrs P is getting a bit fed up with me being at home all the time, while she goes out to work. Be sure I will share my thoughts on this matter further over the coming weeks and months. Any ideas would be gratefully received.

Having got the painful news out of the way, I can report that the festive period went well in the Perry household with no disasters. My collarbone continues to heal, though I have got the physio to agree, albeit slightly tongue-in-cheek, that I should steer clear of vacuuming and ironing. Mrs P doesn’t agree and made me do the housework this week, so it was back to the duster and vacuum for me. I’m back on preparing meals as well; you would almost think that I’d never been injured. So the kids are back to school, Mrs P is back to work, and I’m contemplating my next move. Though to be honest as I write this, I’m currently eating a box of Terry’s All Gold dark chocolates, so my next move is most likely to be a cup of tea. Still shifting the last of the Christmas chocolates you see.

One thing that has come to an end is the paper-round. The company involved has decided to put it online, or make people pick up a copy from a local supermarket. I’m sure they see it as progress; personally I see it as another way to isolate the elderly, especially those not online. But then again when did big business ever really care about their customers? As we saw last year, service is generally awful in Great Britain, with big companies especially, using technology and outsourcing, to make dealing with them a confusing and miserable experience. Maybe this will be the year they improve … hey ho!

Yours wondering what a job is.

Jay

 

 

Keeping it simple ... Thursday 19th – Friday 20th Dec

It’s a cold day Thursday, with the wind whistling down the streets. I have a decent walk to run a couple of errands and reflect on the fact, that since breaking my collarbone I haven’t put on any weight. I had expected that with the reduced mobility I would have done. It got me thinking, either I did nothing before, and so enforced idleness was no different. Or, and this is the theory I prefer, my increased walking has done the trick. Walking, it’s free, easy, and available to everyone right outside your front door. Fresh air and exercise for the masses. Walk somewhere, and then walk back. Who needs gyms? I may just have found the next great evolution in health. Then again, maybe it’s too simple to catch on. Here’s hoping in the New Year people leave the car at home and walk somewhere.

Wonder of wonders the youngest wanted to go shopping to buy a present on Friday; just the one mind. This is the boy who doesn’t do shopping. So it is we have some father-son bonding as we walk to the train station and catch the train into town. Then we visit one shop, just one mind, and that’s the youngest’s shopping done. No browsing, no impulse purchases, just in, buy, and out. Nice and neat. To be honest if everyone adopted this strategy the shops would be a lot less crowded. We decamp to the pub for lunch and then it’s back home on the train. To finish our time together before Mrs P comes home (the eldest being out socialising), we play some games of Cluedo and Jenga. Great fun and a great way to get in the holiday spirit. Turn off the telly and all digital gadgets and spend some quality time together as a family. Isn’t that what Christmas is all about? Or is it eating and drinking too much? Hmmm, sounds like another theory to road test.

Yours in the festive spirit.

Jay

NB. As the family Perry are now all home for the festive period, the house husband is taking a break. See you in the New Year when I may even be able to resume duties. Happy Christmas.

Not driving towards Christmas ... Tuesday 17th – Wednesday 18th Dec

I’ve now been without my car for 6 weeks, ever since I broke my collarbone. Its funny how you get used to changes in circumstances that you think may be difficult. I had expected being without the car to be difficult, but I have found it to be relatively easy. Granted the folks have had to drive me to the hospital and physio, but apart from that I’ve walked everywhere. I’m sure if I had the car I would be using it, spending money on petrol and probably other unnecessary things. It just goes to show what you can do without, if you need to, and brings into question how many cars people really need. Because if you take the car away suddenly you might find that the things you had to do, because you could, because you had a car, you can suddenly manage without. It might stop people spending so much, it might keep families at home more. It could even benefit the planet, though maybe that’s stretching a point. Here endeth the Christmas message.

Mrs P bought our annual Radio Times the other day, and I took a quick look at the Christmas Films, and I must say how disappointed I was by them. There are plenty on, but they all fall into one of two categories, either I’ve seen them, or I don’t want to see them. What I would like, is some old Marx Brothers films, or a decent new blockbuster, but it doesn’t look like this house husbands Christmas Film wish is to be granted. Oh well, back to watching the darts for me.

Yours in the Tungsten Thunderdome.

Jay  

What could the future hold? ... Monday 16th Dec

December – religious celebration or commercial spend-fest? It would be nice if it was the former but I fear it is turning into the latter. Certainly Mrs P seems to find more ways to spend every year. To add to the excitement for us in the Perry family, we have the eldest’s 18^th birthday coming up. So for us it’s a double whammy on the spending stakes, but she’s worth it. I suppose like a lot of people I find it incongruous that we save all year to splurge over just one week. A bit like a holiday, but without leaving home, and without the sun. Well now that’s my Grouch impersonation out of the way, I must confess I’m looking forward to us all being off together, though the eldest becoming technically an adult is a thought too scary for me to consider. Instead I’m concentrating on extending my repertoire of one-handed, wrong-handed, house work. I’ve managed to get in washing some dishes, drying some dishes, minimal dusting and minimal vacuuming. No ironing. Preparing a few meals, and helping Mrs P to clean some windows. If you asked Mrs P she’d probably say I never did much more anyway.

If I keep up the physio I could be back to full working order in the New Year, though the rest of the family may be hoping for a new improved version. Talking of which I must give some thought to my New Year’s Resolutions. See if I can’t actually commit to something worthwhile next year. Hmmm, the possibilities …!

Yours thinking big.

Jay

Christmas blues come early ... Wednesday 11th – Friday 13th Dec

It’s quite possible now to order a complete Christmas online, presents and food, from the comfort of your own home without ever putting on a coat and braving the cold and the crowds. To be honest we do a lot that way, but I do worry that its killing the romance of Christmas. The touchy-feely pleasure, of finding and buying a present for someone. Handing over cash, and returning home laden down with shopping bags, a warm feeling flowing through you. Whilst I have had some of that this year, the majority of my experience has been the doorbell ringing and another Amazon parcel being delivered. Mrs P and I do though still have the big Christmas food shop to look forward to – I say look forward to, when I really mean dread – pushing a fully laden supermarket trolley, through crowds of shoppers, while trying to avoid getting your ankles rammed by a pensioner who has just come in for a pint of milk. You see, I really am full of the joys of Christmas already.

I wonder if Friday 13^th is regarded as an unlucky day in all countries. I know there are historical precedents of bad things happening on this date, and 13 is regarded as an unlucky number by some. In fact many of my local roads don’t have a house numbered 13. But I think I’ve found a new reason for it to be regarded as unlucky. Today I tried left-handed dusting and vacuuming. A new experience necessitated by my broken collarbone, and whilst it was slow, it did work. So it is that I may be in a position to resume some of my house-husbandry duties. Whilst only light duties still, my improving injury means that for me every silver lining has a cloud.  

Yours taking it easy.

Jay

Monday 2nd – Tuesday 3rd Dec

I’m still spending some of my time visiting hospitals at the moment. Either for physio, or doctor’s appointments. I know the NHS gets a lot of stick in the media, but my experience with the broken collarbone has been pretty positive. True if I’d seen the shoulder consultant sooner after I’d broken it - it took 9 days - I might have had the operation sooner, but apart from that it has all gone smoothly I’m pleased to say. I got to see the new x-ray today which showed the metalwork now holding my shoulder together, and very robust it looks. I have setting off metal detectors at airports, every time I go on holiday, to look forward to now.

The physio can be painful. Today when I explained it felt ok apart from when you touch the bone in a particular place, I was told it needed to be de-sensitised, and you do this by touching it! Which he did! Oh how I jumped, at least I would have done if he hadn’t been holding me down. I have now been instructed to carry on massaging the bone and the surrounding area myself, something I am not looking forward to. Inflicting deliberate pain on myself has never ranked high on my list of favourite things to do, and I don’t see it making an appearance any time soon.

Yours tentatively.

Jay

 

 

TV wishes and Ashes misery ... Friday 6th Dec

Another quiet day on planet Perry. Given my current incapacity I was limited to a walk round to see the folks for a cuppa. In my current situation I actually find myself looking forward to the start of the Christmas TV schedule. At least it may mean there is something worth watching during the day. If not I shall have to seriously considering looking into the Box Sets that are available through the TV at the moment. Though I’m not sure I want to start anything right now, it’s a big time commitment, what with Christmas and everything. My current moment of sunshine in the TV schedule was to be the Ashes highlights, and I avoid hearing the overnight score so I can watch with optimism. Unfortunately this is swiftly crushed by Australia piling on the runs, and what seems like England’s obligatory batting collapse.

But it did get me thinking what I would like to see at Christmas. Some new films, some old films - preferably including the Marx Brothers –, lots of sport - preferably including England winning a test Match –, and no reality TV or so called celebrities. At least there should be some good sport to watch, though I’m not holding out much hope for the Ashes.

Yours feeling festive.

Jay

A Tale of Two Walks ... Wednesday 4th – Thursday 5th Dec

Its funny how when you’re limited by what you can do, your world becomes restricted, and the little you can do, expands to fill the space. In my case, this means if I’m going out, I’m walking. Now I like walking, but my judgement has to be called into question over the last two days.

On Wednesday I decided to go and collected a prescription, which would take me about 25 minutes each way at a brisk pace. The skies were clear. A weak sun was out and I ventured forth without a coat. As soon as I turned the corner and the breeze hit me, I thought, “that’s cold but I’ll warm up as I go.” Given that it’s December in England I have no idea why I thought that. I spent the journey, there and back, crossing roads to get on the side where the weak sun was at least shining. On the way back this meant I had to squint most of the way because the sun was in my eyes. When I did get eventually get home, I put on another jumper and the kettle to warm up me up.

On Thursday I spent the first part of the morning looking out for the forecasted rain, as the washing was out drying in the howling winds that had hit the country. Late morning with the washing in, and dry, I decided I’d pop out to the shops and run my errands. Bad move as it turned out. The heavens opened on me, and I was both buffeted by the wind and soaked by the rain. I’d remembered to put on a coat today but to no avail, I was drenched, everything was wet when I got home, and I do mean everything! I felt like some sort of celebrity changing my clothes halfway through the day. Funny how despite living in this country all my life, i still can’t get a handle on the wonderful unpredictability of the British weather.

Yours cold and wet.

Jay

On the mend ... Monday 2nd – Tuesday 3rd Dec

There is definitely a chance that I may soon have to resume some of my house husband duties. Even if it means learning to do them left handed! The physio tells me things are progressing well with my shoulder, which is a relief, though I still have to take it easy while it heals. However I could use my left hand side for some things. The problem is I am far from ambidextrous, and by the time I’ve learnt to iron competently with my left hand, I suspect my right will have healed. So on balance I think I’ll just take it easy.

I had a bit of seasonal shopping to do, and so I took myself on the train to Liverpool. In an attempt to avoid getting my arm bumped into I wore my sling, and to be fair some people did give me some room, but most were in worlds of their own. I took the opportunity to visit the Cathedral (well one of them). I never fail to be amazed at the architectural grandeur and sense of space in these buildings. They can be wonderful places to find some peace in the middle of a busy city. My outing was moderately successful, which is all you can hope for at this time of year. There seems to be a fashion for continental/German style markets at the moment, and so there were plenty of wooden cabins erected on the streets selling food and drink. Though listening to the stall-holders accents they didn’t sound particularly continental.  I managed to get plenty of walking done, which is a plus, though I must find out how soon I can get back to driving. Though on the plus side I’m not missing the driving, we are saving on petrol, and Mrs P and the eldest are capable chauffeurs.

Yours exploring alternative transport.

Jay  

The pain game ... Wednesday 27th - Friday 29th Nov

Well I’m still doing the exercises the physio gave me for my shoulder; more or less every couple of hours. Is it getting better? Probably though it doesn’t always feel it. I am now getting to the point where while not quite stir-crazy, I do feel the need to get out occasionally, and not just to another doctor’s appointment. So it is I find myself wrapping up warm on Thursday afternoon and going for a walk. Now normally I walk fairly briskly, but today with my arm still in a sling and wanting to prolong my time outdoors I walk decidedly slowly. I manage an hour’s walking, during which I enjoy crunching through autumns leaves on the ground, and the sight of the now mostly bare trees. It still amazes me how many people walk around with their heads down never looking up to see what’s above. Be it architecture in cities or nature in the countryside. Is this a metaphor for modern living? Sorry for asking, I really must get out more.

I visit the nurse again who is due to take my stitches out, if they haven’t dissolved. This is not as uncomfortable as I expect, but just as I’m about to escape she says I’m entitled to a flu jab, plus a one-off jab to cover pneumonia, septicaemia and one strain of meningitis (at least I think that’s right). On asking if I would need to make an appointment, because to be honest I probably wouldn’t have bothered, she said no she could do them, there and then. So thinking in for a penny. in for a pound, I said fair enough, let’s do it. So that was two jabs, one in each arm. Two minutes and later I’m walking out fully immunised. Slight side effect however, in that my good arm now hurts. So from having one good arm and one recovering, I now have two recovering. Oh well back to the exercises, surely it can’t hurt much more?

Yours taking one step forward and two steps back.

Jay

The pain game ... Monday 25th - Tuesday 26th Nov

Everyone I spoke to told me that physio on Tuesday was going to be painful, and so I was mentally girding up my loins for this. What no-one mentioned was the pain of Christmas shopping I was going to experience on Monday with Mrs P.

Mid-morning Monday found Mrs P and me arriving at the local shopping outlet village, Mrs P doing the driving duties due to my incapacitation. For some reason I was under the impression that what we were told on the nightly BBC news was true, and we were still in the middle of a recession, which was hitting pensioners especially hard. Well all I can say is someone forgot to tell my fellow shoppers. It was heaving, people everywhere and this on a Monday. Even Mrs P was moved to say that “I didn’t expect this many people to be off work today.” A credit crunch there maybe, but it was difficult to see from the queues in M&S. As my mending shoulder was jostled for the umpteenth time, by a grey/blue rinsed head, and as Mrs P abandoned me once again outside the fitting rooms, I wondered who truly are the golden generation. It also reaffirmed why I’m not a great shopping companion for Mrs P, she does deserve better.

In contrast physio on Tuesday was a walk in the park. Whilst I might have entertained ideas, of a pretty young physio gently manipulating my shoulder. What I got instead was a strapping shaven headed chap, and the opportunity to walk down a cold room with my shirt off. So it was, that I was sent on my way with a list of exercises to do, and my arm slightly sorer than it had been before. One man’s pain is truly another man’s gain.

Yours shopping online.

Jay

Patience ... Friday 22nd Nov

I ordered a new mobile phone for the youngest yesterday, and so I find myself waiting in for the delivery today. Mid-morning I get a text from the delivery company DPD, telling me it would be delivered between 1:20pm-2:20pm, and sure enough the delivery arrives at 1:20pm, great service. How I wish all my experiences with companies were so positive. Take note corporate Great Britain.

In the afternoon I go to get the dressing on my shoulder changed. Once again there is no mirror in the nurses room, and so I have still not really seen the scar from my operation yet. The good news is I’m told that I’m healing well, and I’m doing the exercises the physio gave me, though they do hurt. I’m told the real pain comes when you start the proper physiotherapy, which is next week for me. So that’s something to look forward to (not).

Well that’s the first week since I had the shoulder put back together over, and it has gone reasonably well. I know these things take time but I can’t help wishing there was some shortcut. I guess it’s just a case of being patient, but that thought just reminds of the old joke, where two vultures are sat on a branch together, and one turns to the other and says, “Sod patience I just wanna kill something!”

Yours practising patience.

Jay

Tea parties and new glasses ... Wednesday 20th- Thursday 21st Nov

It felt a little bit surreal today, when, after I’d spent the morning reading and watching recordings on TV, the outlaws kindly appeared after lunch, to collect and deliver half of the paper round. Mrs P and the eldest do the other half of an evening at the moment.

The outlaws left their laptop with me to clean it up. It was running slowly and assorted applications appeared to have been downloaded. I’d just got it sorted when the old man called round for a chat. So we were sat having a cuppa when the outlaws came back. I invited them in to join us and found myself hosting a tea party, for OAP’s. My very own, ‘Alice in Wonderland’ moment. I have to say they have all been very helpful and I am at the moment reaping the benefit of having our nearest and dearest close by, while my shoulder repairs, and I am sans car.

Without resorting to daytime TV, there is only so much you can watch, which means I’m reading quite a lot. This has highlighted the fact that my sight is getting worse, at least when it comes to reading. So this morning I walked to the opticians for an eye test. I have to say it was nice just to be out in the fresh air. The optician is a chap I know and as he put it to me, I’m just now at that age where I need reading glasses. So it was I exited with a cheap (£5.50) pair of off-the-shelf ‘ready readers.’ The effect was miraculous for me. From having to hold my book at arm’s length in good light to make out the words, I could hold it half way and see crisp, sharp lettering. Even the teenagers were good enough not to laugh too much. Feeling confident with my new eyewear I placed them on top of my head and promptly broke off an arm when I removed them!

So I now sit head tilted, with wonky spectacles held together with a sticking plaster. But at least I can see to read, so I’m very happy about that, and Mrs P has promised to take me to get a more suitable pair.

Yours seeing the light, and the words.

Jay

Scarred ... Tuesday 19th Nov

The highlight of today was getting my dressing changed. If that can be classed as a highlight. It meant I got chauffeured to my GP’s, where the nurse showed me the scar, and I have to say it is pretty impressive. Stretching from my shoulder, across to my neck and down. Makes me realise it really was best not to ask too many questions about the operation in advance. For me in this case, ignorance truly was bliss.

I also popped into the library whilst I was out to say hello, and let them know that I wouldn’t be in to offer IT support for a while. I must say this left-handed typing is proving difficult for me, though I am using two fingers now.

Yours slowly adjusting to life as a lefty.

Jay

Starting to convalesce ... Monday 18th Nov

Well now the convalescing begins. I went under the knife on Friday afternoon and came out of hospital on the Saturday. I was first on the list for operating, which meant mine was probably the worst one they had to do on the day. To be honest I didn’t ask too many questions, about it. I trusted the consultant/surgeon and let him get on with his job, and it does feel a lot better already.

So back to the convalescing. What exactly am I going to do? After all you can only watch so much TV, and read so many books. For a start I’m going to have to learn to do things left handed. Typically I broke my good side. So I’m typing this left-handed, albeit slowly, and have operated the coffee machine likewise. Small steps but it was ever thus. On the bright side I’m saving on petrol as I’m unlikely to be driving this side of Christmas, and I’ll get out of present wrapping duty, which is actually a shame as it is the one positive contribution I make to helping Mrs P at Christmas.

I get my dressing changed tomorrow and will get to see what size scar I’ve got. A badge of honour as I see it, a ”You’re too old to be doing stupid things like that anymore” mark, from where Mrs P is looking.

Yours thinking left-field.

Jay

Nervous of hospitals, what me! ... 11th-14th Nov

I have to say that breaking my collarbone really has curtailed my house-husbandry. In fact it has stopped it dead in its tracks. It has also stretched Mrs P's patience. However yesterday I visited the local hospital to see the shoulder consultant. Having arrived at the hospital at 9am, I left at 1pm. I spent most of this time sitting around waiting. However when I did see the consultant, he took a quick look at me and my x-rays and said, "I'll operate on Friday." You have to like a man who makes a decision.

With any luck this will speed the healing process and get me back to house husband duties sooner rather than later. I'm almost starting to miss them! Wish me luck, 24 hours and counting until I go under the knife.

Yours slightly apprehensive,

Jay

Ow that really hurt ... Monday 4th - Friday 8th November

It's been an interesting week, but not one I'm keen to repeat. On Monday playing football I fell on my shoulder, the result of which was multiple fractures of my collarbone. So the week has passed with my arm in a sling, taking pain-killers. Someone asked me if the pain-killers were working, to which my response was that I wasn't planning to try without them, just so I could check how much pain I was in! Suffice to say, Mrs P is calling time on my football career.
 
As ever with these things, I broke the bones on my preferred side. For me my right hand side. This means I either have to learn to do things with my left hand (such as typing!) or do nothing. Mrs P is being very supportive, though this has happened at a very inopportune time, as I have a number of things on. Some of which, Mrs P is having to pick up. The teenagers are helping out, though I suspect they may tire of me being of so little use, quite quickly.

My week has been filled with lying in bed reading, or sitting in front of the TV. There's not that much else that I can do. Certainly I can't manage my standard household chores. So in my role as a househusband, I'm currently failing.

I go back to the hospital soon when I hope to get a decent prognosis, and have an idea when the househusband might be back up to speed.

Yours slightly broken.

Jay

Wet windows and cutting it fine ... Friday 1st Nov

At this time of year a new domestic chore is added to my list. For some reason, and despite having double glazing, when the temperature goes cold at night outside, we awake to moisture on the insides of the windows. Now this moisture can be anything from light fogging, to dripping wet windows with puddles of water dripping off the window ledge. To try to deal better with this, I purchased a reasonably absorbent cloth this week to mop off, and up, the moisture. I also use the rubber side of a squeegee to wipe away any remnants. Then it’s open the windows to get some fresh air in and we’re sorted. I’m not sure if sleeping with the windows open would help, but Mrs P doesn’t seem keen to try it.

To be honest by the time I’ve finished cleaning up this morning, I decide to take a cup of tea and the paper and go back to bed. Well Mrs P is at work and the teenagers are both at school, and there has to be some benefits to being a house husband.

I have one job to do today that Mrs P has left me, and that is to defrost the freezer. I have all day to do it, and I forget! Well I forget until about 4:30pm anyway, with Mrs P due home about 5:15pm today. Rather than panic I empty the freezer, put what I can into the fridge and its small freezer unit, and then put a bowl of boiling water (my idea of a short cut) into the freezer, and start furiously scrapping at ice. Miraculously I manage to get all the ice off, with the help of a couple of more bowls of boiling water, before Mrs P gets home. As well as getting tea on the table for everyone, so some serious multi-tasking going on. I think I just about got away with it, though when Mrs P reads this I might be in trouble.

Yours cutting it close.

Jay

Not a fan of Halloween .. Thursday 31st Oct

The library is quiet this morning, which is fortunate as a number of the computers are not working, and the councils central IT function show no sign of fixing them. I remember to pop out and pick up the eldest’s shoes from the cobbler’s. I just hope they last for the rest of the school year.

Once home it’s on with the housework. Cleaning, dusting and then ironing. A solid bit of housework completed today. I even find time to put the hook back onto the eldest’s bedroom door. She usually hangs her dressing gown on it, and it has over the years fallen off more than once. I’m just hoping my latest attempt at repairing it is successful, though given my DIY track record it seems unlikely.

Mrs P and I go out for a walk in the evening, and being Halloween the local side roads are swarming with children dressed up to extort sweets from householders. You may have guessed from that statement that I’m not a huge fan of Halloween. I remember the gentle days of duck-apple, and not having eggs thrown at your house for not being at home to avaricious children. I do rather see the over commercialisation of Halloween being American influenced and driven by greedy retailers. Bah humbug.

Joe-le-taxi is back on duty tonight, collecting the eldest from dance, and then later on the youngest from cricket. To be fair Mrs P took them both, I just got the late slots. How pleasant it was, to once again be sat waiting in the dark for the teenagers to be ready to be collected!

Yours not a fan of Halloween.

Jay

Prepared for the weather ... Wednesday 30th Oct

For some reason I have yet to fathom, it has now become a daily ritual for me to watch the BBC weather at 7.45am each morning. I put the TV on whilst washing up the breakfast dishes, (sausage sandwiches for the teenagers today,) then go through when I’m done. I rewind the news programme and watch Carol, well it’s usually Carol on the BBC, with the forecast. My concern for the weather is mostly a mixture of, whether the kids need coats for school, whether there is any point in hanging out the washing to dry, and whether I’m going to get wet walking to the library, or delivering the papers. I know weather forecasting is not an exact science. It is a forecast after all, but its funny how as a house husband at this time of year I’m more concerned about it. In the summer, by and large the kids don’t need a coat, whereas in winter they do. But autumn and spring are the, your guess is as good as mine months, when it comes to the weather. At the moment I’m just relying on the fact that Carol’s guess is better than mine.

Today I manage to get the papers done ahead of the forecast rain, and even the washing got dried outside. So a big win for this morning’s forecast. I even get the ironing done late afternoon.  For tea we’d been invited to the outlaws and very nice it was too. Homemade steak pie followed by homemade apple pie, you really can taste the difference when someone has made the effort and done it themselves. It even got me out of tidying up afterwards. All in all, quite a successful day.

Yours riding the forecast.

Jay